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 i'm back home again.  3 years ago, coming home for my first time from college
 was an experience to remember.  i felt like a new, prized man who was ready
 for work--yet there was no work to be done.  i had lived fast-paced with only
 the bare essentials for 4 months.  i came back home, and life was slowed down.
 i felt like a man ready for action, as if i had been in war.  home life was so
 easy.  it was so comforting.  it was so cozy and peaceful.  well, 3 years later,
 i'm still coming back home, yet these feelings of reverting back are becoming
 familiar.  i know what it's like.  i know what to expect.  i remember noting that
 the primary differences between living environment of college life and home life
 are those of having carpeted floors, being able to shower without shower shoes,
 and being able to sit on the toilet without worry.
 
 i still believe these are great differences.  now, i observe that home life is fragile.
 it's very protective.  it's a secure little box isolated within a collective community
 of other cozy-desired establishments.  college, however, is the exact opposite;
 college is a jammed-pack, temporary home for people with similar interests.  college cares
 to enforce safety and warmth, but it forces interactions amongst everyone so as to prepare
 everyone for 'the real world.'  you learn social skills.  you learn about the human race.
 home, though, doesn't care.  home life protects you.  home life doesn't care how
 stagnant one grows.  home life is priceless though.  for this, i believe i could always
 visit the home life for safety.  it's not only priceless, though--it's TIMELESS.  it's
 static.  i don't want to LIVE at home, though.  i couldn't afford to live constantly with
 this type of comfort--at least not now at the same place where i had comfort since i
 was 4 years old.  i don't want that comfort.  later, i could tolerate establishing my own home.
 but as for now, i'm not complaining: as i said, it's home is precious.  this annual retreat
 is nice.  just, the times have changed.

 now, i'm too geared for the seeming industrial, factory work of college.  i'm used to that
 type of living.  i'm actulaly too used to that.  for that reason, home life seems two
 eras ago.  it's still nice to wake up to the smell of mother made bisquits.
 it's still priceless to drive through my crooked streets and see the same corners where
 i've spent hundreds of hours playing baseball with kids who have sinced moved out
 of the neighborhood... kids i'll never see again.  but that's exactly what returning
 to home is: it's the past... the faded memories that i'm looking at.  i recall the past imges
 of all the best friends i developed at the aptly-named best friend park.  i spent
 my childhood there.  that's what i see when i come home--my childhood.  i see my past life.
 i see the transcending i've done.  i see what i've left behind.  but our houses
 are all empty now.  on each street i drive through, i can recall some miscellaneous adventure
 that we've done while growing up... i see the street corners and neighbors who saw me grow up.
 i see the fucking beauty.  the greatness is almost overwhelming at times.  it was all so
 great.  so yea, i aint complaining. just it's nothing short of exhausting to continue to
 revisit the past.  it's great that i can still hang out w/ my best friends jeremy, mark,
 sean, john, and david each day.  and although we've all well ventured into our own avenues,
 we still get along together pretty well.  it's not surprising though, for as we grew up,
 we not only spent thousands of hours together, but in doing so, we SHAPED each other.
 for this reason, we'll always have some similar roots, regardless of how far we branch off.
 despite this soothing fit and peace of mind, when i look close enough, i not only see the
 past, the memories, and the overall beauty of it all; when i look close enough, i see the
 era for exactly what it is.  i appreciate it for what it is, and more importantly, without
 regret i see with ease exactly why i left this cozy place called home.
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    as i was in JFK airport in NY, i observed all the other passengers,
    for i finally hoped to get a glimpse of what NY is like.
    some people had the typical thick NY accent.  we had to take a bus
    from the terminal to get to our plane, for the airport was
    backed up.  on the bus, i noticed the stereotypical view
    of many different races and ethnicities.  it was fun.  everyone
    was in a hurry and crammed into the bus with their luggage.
    most of the people on the bus were old.  in particular,
    i noticed one white guy near me leave his seat.  i looked
    up and realized that it was because an older african american
    woman w/ a cane staggered onto the bus and would need a
    convenient place to sit.  she thanked him, and i didn't
    think too much of it... it was a nice act to do, but
    nearly anyone would have done the same.  shortly thereafter,
    i noticed another white guy on the bus who was sitting
    close to the front leave his seat.  yep, once again,
    another elder african american woman was looking for
    a seat.  i thought to myself how great that is, then i immediately
    recalled that rosa parks recently passed away during hte past
    week.  wow.  wasn't it just 50 yrs or so ago that she was forced
    to sit in the back, and now white guys are without hesitation
    giving up their seats--forcing themselves to stand--just to help
    out these women.  how great is that.  this sheer thought
    invoked in me a strong feeling of warmth, and i couldn't help
    but smile wildly.  i nearly laughed with excitement.  it's
    amazing how much and how fast things can change.  50 yrs is
    such a short amount of time.  i'm 21.  50 is only like 2.5
    times this number of years.  humanity is great.

    on topic with this nice view of humanity, in civ class, i've
    been reading about many different civilizations and how
    they've developed.  they all fought, shared some common beliefs,
    argued over politics, and merged and rejected other cultures.
    most of this seems trivial to me, for i've always viewed this
    stuff as just being part of the journey of the world...
    societies will always prevail, flourish, then diminish.
    it doesn't matter who is top dog or who is the under dog, as
    it'll always change, eventually.  for this reason,
    we all seem almost insignificant in the sense of OUR POSITION.
    therefore, it makes WHAT WE VALUE, our interactions, and we
    PROMOTE< BELIEVE< AND STAND FOR matter.  that is what matters.
    when i say interactions, i mean our bonds as individuals.
    globally though, it's all insignificant, still.  it's just labels.
    united states vs iraq or iran?  pakistan vs india?  it's trivial.
    it's like a soap opera.  it's just notation.  what matters is the
    SEMANTICS!  it's the MEANING that matters.

    also, when i was flying, i noticed the ocean's waves.
    i couldn't grasp how the breaking ocean waves seemed
    indistinguishable--all i could see was a white outline that
    didn't seem to move.  i coudln't see the waves breaking, but
    there was definitely a distinct, curved pattern of water
    along the shore where the waves woudl break.  how could i see
    this, but i coudln't see the individual waves?  it
    looked like they weren't moving at all... it's because
    what i believed to be a 'wave' was really 100 or so feet
    of waves.  but, as a whole, these waves continued to break,
    or 'change,' at a constant rate.  the derivative was the same!
    it wasn't even noticeable.  therefore, i wonder how much of
    our society is the same as what it was back 200 years ago,
    or even 2,000 yrs ago.  the aforementioned charitable acts
    on the bus seemed newly precedented in the sense that african
    american rights 50 yrs ago were different.  however, i'm sure
    there were many gracious, kind acts that fellow humans did
    for each other back in those days.  only the individual
    groups and interactions amongst these groups have changed.
    (the individual small waves have changed.)  however, the
    large shoreline is probably indistinguishable.  we are
    likely all generally hte same humans we were 2,000 yrs ago.
    the trivial notations (races, ethnic labels) have changed,
    and people interact differently between these, but it's all
    the same.  i only wonder how my generation or the entire 20th
    century will be classified in history books later on.  my civ book
    sums up and generalizes entire nations' beliefs and values
    within 1 sentence for a given 50 yrs.  how can one make a
    sentence that well-defines our entire shoreline of humans
    for the 20th century?  the shoreline has so many bends in
    it... so many little waves.
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